Be Bad, Be Bold, Be Billie by Scarlett Russell

Author:Scarlett Russell
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2020-06-02T16:00:00+00:00

‘Everybody has felt sad in their lives and of course it’s really important to promote happiness and loving yourself – but a lot of people don’t love themselves.’

Billie’s struggles with self-love and self-acceptance started from a young age. She became immersed in contemporary dance and, aged eight, joined the Los Angeles Children’s Chorus. Over the years she built on her dancing – everything from ballet and jazz to hip hop and tap. When she was 12 she joined a competitive dance company, where she said that she was surrounded by ‘really pretty girls. That was probably when I was the most insecure.’ She has also said that everything up until age nine was great and after that she started becoming aware of – and feeling bad about – what she looked like. At the dance company her confidence took a nosedive and this affected her wellbeing. She started to really look at herself and felt even more self-conscious about her body. This will be familiar to many 13-year-olds, but surrounded by a group of girls she didn’t feel that she was part of, having to wear revealing outfits which she has called ‘really tiny’ among the competitive world of performing arts, must have been particularly tough for young Billie. She has revealed that she developed body dysmorphia at this time, which is where you have extremely negative views of what you look like. Though she later sought therapy, these issues never really go away fully and so you can understand why she might feel more comfortable in loose-fitting, baggy clothes that don’t reveal her body.

It’s not that Billie is ashamed of her body, she just doesn’t want her body to define her. She wants people to focus on her music and the messages of her lyrics rather than the way she looks. While she understands how fashion can be fun and playful, and she enjoys that aspect of her image very much, what someone looks like underneath their clothes should never be a focus. Don’t you just love Billie even more now?

Sadly, things got even worse for Billie. She was in a hip hop class with ‘all the seniors, the most advanced level,’ she told Rolling Stone. One day, she ruptured the growth plate in her hip and had to quit dancing altogether. ‘I think that’s when the depression started,’ she added. ‘It sent me down a hole.’ Billie explained that around the age of 13, every time she was alone, she ‘would break down and kind of crumble … It got to the point where my friend would say, “I’m going home, see you”, and I’d get this feeling in my stomach like a knife being twisted around.’

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